The Wildest Stories from Kingdom Come 2: Delivering Mayhem and Laughter

Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2: A Hilarious Odyssey Through Bohemia's Absurdities

Every playthrough of Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 is a unique comedic masterpiece. The game's brutal realism and unforgiving medieval setting are constantly undercut by the sheer, unpredictable absurdity that unfolds. Below are just a few of the most ludicrous side quests I encountered while exploring Bohemia. These tales avoid main storyline spoilers, focusing solely on the game's hilariously unpredictable adventures.

Table of Contents

• Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
• Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
• Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
• Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
• Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
• Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out

Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song

In the charming town of Želejov, I encountered two incredibly lazy troubadours dreaming of Bohemian musical domination. Their problem? A complete lack of funds, instruments, and any semblance of artistic direction. To help these aspiring geniuses, Henry (the player character) embarks on a series of increasingly ridiculous errands. This includes stealing a lute (risking arrest and reputational damage!), acquiring new strings made from sheep intestines, and even hauling sacks to pay off their debt to the innkeeper (a task they deemed beneath their artistic genius).

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After countless hours of running around Bohemia, their reward for all this effort? A soul-crushingly boring song celebrating Henry's mundane achievements (stealing, sheep butchering, and bag-carrying). The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I laugh uncontrollably.

Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern

The strings for the troubadours required the assistance of a local hunter, Vojtěch, who, naturally, was drunk and had climbed a tree to escape some wolves. The intended quest involved rescuing him, saving his horse, and helping him sober up. In return, he'd become a loyal ally. However, I decided to take a different route – delivering him directly to the nearest tavern.

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The ensuing trek was a memorable one, with a very unhappy Vojtěch slung over my shoulder. His reaction upon arrival? Less than thrilled. He refused further assistance and limped off, our next encounter marked by a grumpy greeting and a less-than-stellar view as compensation.

Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog

The Polovtsians, responsible for destroying Henry’s home, were causing trouble in a tavern. My initial reaction? Righteous fury and a thirst for revenge. Instead, I found myself socializing, matchmaking, and eventually, engaging in a drunken singalong with the very people I intended to fight.

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Then, a talking dog interrupted, launching into a philosophical lecture about life's purpose. Inspired (or perhaps inebriated), I accepted his challenge to swim across a lake, resulting in a hilarious, albeit successful, attempt.

Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price

After mastering stealth and burglary, I became Bohemia's most wanted. A single botched heist, leaving behind incriminating evidence (flashy accessories and the lingering scent of crime), led to a very awkward encounter with a guard who promptly accused me of theft. I somehow talked my way out of it, but the experience served as a harsh lesson in the game's attention to detail.

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Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies

I stole a horse, intending to sell it to Mikolaj, the gypsy horse trader. However, Mikolaj was asleep, and the horse bolted before I could secure it. I waited for dawn, only to watch Mikolaj spend ten minutes eating porridge before finally completing the transaction. Even the simplest actions become hilarious misadventures.

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Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out

These are just a few examples of the game's charm. Every decision, no matter how small, has unexpected consequences. The commitment to realism and immersive detail makes every playthrough a unique and unforgettable experience. Bohemia awaits!

Image: ensigame.com